By Linda E Cole
I am in a relationship with a really nice guy but I have problems trusting him. I am afraid to let him out of my sight and I know he is feeling crowded. He has not done anything to warrant me being this way but I cannot seem to control how I am feeling. I wonder how long it will be before he has had enough and breaks up with me. I told a girl at work how I was feeling and she asked me what my past relationships had been like. I told her I had been engaged to a guy for quite a while and days before the wedding found out he had been cheating on me. I was devastated and totally unaware of what he had been doing behind my back. I trusted him with my life.
Being engaged can be the happiest time of a girls life. She has found the guy of her dreams and is planning there up and coming marriage. Imagine the feeling in the pit of your stomach when your fiance announces to you that he has been getting it on with another girl. Your dream guy has suddenly become your jilted boyfriend.
Here is where the trouble starts because no matter how much you feel you are over something like that it can stay with you like a recurring bad dream. It was not just any guy that broke your heart it was the guy you were about to commit to for life.
The reason the girl at work asked you about past relationships was because she was quite wise. She knew that you could be bringing the pain and distrust from the last one you had into this new one. You are already projecting the cheating behaviour of your ex fiance onto this new man that you think is nice and judging him without a jury. In fact in your eyes he is already guilty as charged.
It sounds like you are giving him very little space, as you must believe this is why your fiance did the dirty on you. Suffocating this new guy is going to at first make him feel uncomfortable and in the long run possibly leave. We all need to feel our independence and if we are being checked up on all the time we often start to demand it.
As far as not being able to trust your new guy that may take time. The main thing is to give this guy a chance, as he is not your fiance. You cannot pile all your unresolved hurt and anger onto him. It is just not fair. He obviously cares for you so try not to make the mistake of sabotaging what could turn out to be a great relationship.
This whole unfortunate episode with your ex fiance has made you become needy and insecure. This kind of deep hurt can leave some scars and not everybody bounces back to their normal selves straight away. You may not be ready for this relationship you are in but in order to give it a fair go I suggest you talk to your new partner and tell him what happened. You may find he has wondered why you have been keeping him under such close scrutiny and will hopefully try to reassure you he is not the cheating kind.
The thing about relationships is there is no crystal ball that can tell you whether it is going to be a happy ever after or a date with a vampire. Who we interact with makes us grow as people. As we are bound to meet a few rat bags along the way it is important we remember that we learn from the experience. Sure sometimes it can feel like your world has fallen apart but if you hold onto the pain and anger you just might miss the good intention of that gorgeous guy who just winked at you in the car park.
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